Jubilee's Birth Story

On June 13th 2015 our precious Jubilee Victoria Roberson was born! She is absolutely amazing and here is her birth story...

On Friday June 12th I began to have small minor labor contractions during our breakfast at Chickfila. I noticed they seemed "extra crampy" or a little more than "practice contractions" usually are, so I text Josh to let him know that I might really be in labor and that the house was a wreck. Lol. I hadn't had practice contractions much with any of my other babies and so some of this was new to me which made me unsure if it was the beginning of labor or not. I had even had stronger cramps like that earlier in the week in the middle of the night and thought it might be labor but it stopped. 

So here I was with plans to swim with Aunt Kimmie, my parents were out of town (the plan is for them to watch big kids when labor hits), no hospital bag packed, loads upon loads of baby laundry and regular laundry to do, and a messy house. No big deal right?! So the morning progressed and while I was super tired the "contractions" stopped, and we did go swimming with Aunt Kimmie! I told her what was going on with her and uncle Conor being our back up plan for babysitters if labor stayed. She offered to watch the kids longer for me so I could go to the obgyn appointment that I already had planned for that day and be able to actually get checked. Josh and I kept updated via calls and text while he was at work and at 2pm I went into my doctors appointment. 

Once I was there and had told them what had been going on, the midwife checked the position of the baby (head down but face up), and then checked me. She told me a was good 3cm and about 70%. She asked me if I wanted my membranes stripped, and we talked about how maybe it would get labor going, maybe it would take 48-72 hours or maybe I would come back in a week and still have not had the baby yet. I had never dilated that much, if at all, before "labor" with any of my other babies. So again this was all super new and different for me. I was 1cm at 36 weeks and 3cm at what was now 38weeks. I finally decided to let her strip my membranes and left the appointment super emotional as it hit me that my baby was most likely on the way! I had had my membranes stripped with Asher just after 40weeks and labor started quickly after. He came in less than 24hours of having that done (probably less than 12 hours). So I called Kim and told her what was going on and asked if she could watch the kids longer as I was beginning to feel overwhelmed with what all I "needed" to finish before baby came. 

I rushed home after calling Josh, texting my usual midwife Becca to tell her everything(I had seen one of the other awesome midwives at the appt, but wanted Becca to deliver if possible), and of course after stoping to get a therapeutic Sonic cherry coke! I began laundry at home and turned on episodes of Psych, my usual laboring tv show of choice! I watched it in the beginning stages of labor with all my pregnancies. I began to pack my bag and tried to keep an eye on the contractions and times in addition to resting when I needed it. For the most part they were 15 mins apart and at times a little strong but I could keep packing and working. Josh was trying to get home by 6pm to help me and eventually I had to go pick up the kids. I then drove and got them while still timing my contractions. I told Kim I was likely in "labor", and should it not stop I would probably need them that night. We made a plan for her to call me after she took food to her friend and from there would decide how quickly I needed someone to watch the kids. I took the kids to the drive thru at Arby's on the way home (we took the long way), and by the time I got home josh was there and had been cleaning. 

He helped me with the kids and tried to encourage me to rest, which is exactly what Becca had told me to do when I texted her later about having contractions 15mins apart that were strong enough to stop what I was doing but not unbearable. She also told me when to text her again (7min apart with breathing needed). I was still so stressed out about "getting things done" that I didn't really rest. The contractions seemed to be so inconsistent and seemed to be taking so long to progress (I expected "labor" to be super fast bc it's my 3rd after all right?!). Eventual I kinda gave up timing them and just wanted to fold clothes as I watched Psych and the kids slept. We had decided we would call Kim and Conor when we felt like we might head to the hospital, and have Conor come stay over if it was the middle of the night. 

Josh eventually left the house to go to Academy to look around and spend his birthday money. I really didn't mind bc all I wanted to do was fold baby clothes and decide what to pack in her bag (it's now 9pm and the bag still wasn't packed). While josh was gone things kinda kicked back up and contractions got strong (around 9:30/10:00pm). I called josh to make sure he knew so he would head home being that I was now still super stressed about packing bags and all I wanted was a bath (a sign of hard labor for me). He got home and finished packing while I got my bath and texted Becca. Contractions were now 7 mins apart and strong enough to have to stop and breathe through or have counter pressure. She told me to see if it stayed this way for an hour and to text back. 

Josh began to make plans to call Conor over so that we didn't do what we did with Asher and wait almost too long to show up at the hospital (showed up at 10cm). After around an hour of more intense contractions 5-7 min apart with some at 4 mins we texted Becca again. Josh was ready to go to the hospital but I didn't want to go yet. I was torn. With Emerald I went in almost too early and still labored 7 hours at the hospital (not horrible but not ideal), and with Asher I waited to long (showed up at a ten with bulging sack and barely able to wait for midwife). Josh was right though and we needed to go. Becca confirmed with us she thought so too, and so off we went. 

Contractions were more intense yet sometimes still seemed far apart so I was worried I wouldn't be as far along as I thought (something that can be super discouraging in labor). We got to the hospital around 12:30 and got all checked in. We went into our room, and I got into that horrible robe. Josh gave the nurses our birth plan, and we both told the nurse in our room some of our "wants" for our delivery should everything be normal. I've always had amazing nurses at Cartersville and that day was no different! Cecilia was awesome! She checked babies heart rate and got things ready. Eventually she checked me and asked me "what number do you want?" I was so scared I was going to be disappointed with my number, but I told her I wanted a 7 (🙏). She said I was a 5 but during contractions I was expanding to a good 7. Again something very different from my previous labors. She called Becca and I continued to labor. 

Obviously by this point things began to get more intense. Josh was amazing helping me and letting me squeeze the poop out of his hand. Cecilia was great and let me labor how I needed to free of machines. Becca came and checked me to see how I was expanding during contractions. We talked about breaking my water to get labor going. My water has never broken on its own and usually has to be broken anyways just before I push so we decided to do so now. There was some meconium in the fluid so we talked through what that meant for baby if needed. Labor progressed and hard labor became super intense. Again my husband was amazing rubbing my back and doing lots of counter-pressure being that she was face up and I was having back labor. I switched to hands and knees and then back to my back. At this point timing of details is a little blurry, but Becca eventually checked me again and I remember it being painful as she was trying to wait on a contraction to see if I was still stretching during them (I was. I would go from 7 to 9). She was trying to help me stay at the 9. Transition also hit and luckily I was surround by awesome people, josh, Becca, and Cecelia who all encouraged me during that time as I went through the usually "I don't wanna do this." "I can't do this." "No", "I don't want too", "it hurts", etc moments. Again bc the back labor was so intense, I had no medicine or "wires" to mess with and I hadn't wanted to push yet, I got on all fours to labor. Josh helped a lot with counter pressure and soon I did wanna push. I pushed maybe 1-2 littler times on all fours but knew I needed to turn over before I really pushed. I got turned over and almost immediately began crowning. I remember only really pushing 1 maybe 2 hard strong pushes. Josh said it was like less than 3 minutes of pushing and there she was!! Our beautiful Jubilee Victory Roberson!!! I just kept asking over and over if she was ok, because in the back of my mind I was still thinking of the meconium. Becca assured me she was fine, Josh cried, and I relaxed and cried as I held my precious "Joyful Victory"!! She was here and our family grew. It was beautiful!

Jubilee Victoria Roberson

June 13, 2015 2:16am 7lbs 2.8 oz 19 in long!! 

The Birth of Asher

Our beautiful baby boy was born 4 days ago on Tuesday, April 30, 2014 at 2:08am! He is an amazing baby born at 7lbs 11oz and is 21in long with a head full of brown hair! Joshua and I couldn't be more excited and happy... here is his story...

Monday morning we went in for my usually check up. I was 40 weeks and 1 day along and mentally ready for baby to come though no signs of labor had really shown. Upon being checked we found out I was 3cm and decided to go ahead and have my membranes stripped in hopes of moving things along. The rest of the day went about as normal. Josh went to work and I stayed home with Emerald. While I did feel a little crampy from being checked I didn't feel like I was having an real labor. Emerald and I decided to head to Chickfila to see daddy and to eat some dinner. We probably got there around 5pm and began eating. While eating I was noticing some contractions and by around 5:30 or 6pm, I was 90% sure that my labor had started since the contractions were regular. I told Josh to keep his phone near by just in case but told him it would probably be awhile till we headed to the hospital if this was labor. I headed home with Emerald. She got a bath and headed to bed. While she slept I finished laundry and the last few cleaning up of things around the house. As the contractions continued and began to get more noticeable, I decided to get all the bags ready and set them by the door. I sat down to relax and watch some tv (Psych--coincidentally the same show I watched while in labor with Emerald). Thats when I noticed the contractions increasing...I started doing different things to cope with the contractions and began timing them. They weren't always the same distance apart ( sometimes 15mins, or 10 mins, or less...with the occasional "mini" contraction in between two bigger contractions). I continued to text my husband at work but was trying very hard to mentally convince myself that I still had a long way to go before it would be time...my labor with Emerald was like 20 hrs from beginning to end and while I expected this one to be shorter I didn't think it would be only 9ish hrs.

Things continued to intensify and I continued to mentally tell myself I had a long way to go. The contractions began getting closer together but were still not always consistent which threw me off. Finally, threw text message we decided Josh should arrange to be off work the next day and I should text my mom/dad so they could be prepared to come watch Emerald. Around 9pm or so I text my midwife to let her know about the contractions and told my mom we might be calling that night sometime. In my mind I kept thinking it would be much longer. Around 10 things were really increasing and I finally around 10:30pm I decided to take a bath to try and help things. About that time, I started emotionally really wanting my husband to be home and was beginning to really notice how strong and intense things were. I texted him and he got home just before 11pm. He hurried to get things set up in the car and encouraged me to text my parents to come, as he could see how intense the contractions were and how close they were getting. I continued to labor at home while waiting on my parents and things definitely started to intensify. I began to get really panicked that they weren't there yet and was wanting to go to the hospital so badly. By, this time the contractions were 3ish mins apart and intense. We literally met my mom in the stairway and headed to the hospital.

Luckily we live 3mins or so from the hospital! By the time we got there it was hard to walk bc the contractions were so close together and intense. I made it from the car into the doorway, where a security guard offered us a wheelchair. I felt dumb having to use it but later realizing how far into labor I really was am glad i took the wheelchair. Around 12:50am we were at the hospital trying to get signed in. Talk about the longest 10 minutes of your life!!! Of course, the lady thought it was my first baby (she proably thought I was being dramatic with the wheelchair), but once she realized that it wasnt and really looked at my face, she began to hurry (she was a sweet lady...I would have thought I was a dramatic first-timer too!). We finally got up to our room and all I wanted was for someone to just please check me and tell me I was as far along as I felt (I still had this dread that they were going to say I was only 3cm...in which case, I wasn't sure I was going to make it...lol...). Again, talk about the longest 10 minutes ever! I finally told the nurse who was preparing somethings that I really felt like I was far along and really wanted to be checked soon. I believe Josh also told her how close the contractions were, and she hurried up to check me. She was shocked and told us I was fully dialated and seemed ready. She wanted another lady to check me since showing up at 10cm is kinda rare. The other lady came in and confirmed it. She also asked about my water which we told her had not broken...she figured so and said it was the only thing "holding baby in". The nurses went to call our midwife (who is amazing and came to deliver even though she wasn't on call!!! Thanks Becca!!!). Mentally I just wanted to start pushing but the nurses told me to do my best to wait as Becca was on her way. Josh continued to support and help me through the contractions and the nurses prepared the room speedily. The ladies also did a great job at keeping things feeling calm and light even though I was beginning to transition and getting emotionally. Becca soon got there, broke my water for me, and finally it was time to push...

The pushing was harder than it was with my first. Physically Asher wasn't as low yet as my first was when I started pushing, and he was "sunny-side up". Emotionally, I was at that point of transition were I didnt think I could do it. With my first, I hit that point emotionally before pushing and while still emotional, felt mostly focused pushing her. This time was different, not bad, just different. Josh and all the nurses continued to encourage me through this frustration as did my midwife, who also helped me gain some focus and realize he was coming just slower than I wanted. Asher made his way down and my husband got to actually see him finally turn at the last second as he came out and at 2:08am, on April 30th, our beautiful boy Asher Elijah was born!!! He was so cute!!! I got to hold him immediately and Josh cut his cord! We were so excited to be a larger family and overjoyed that he arrived safely and quickly! He was so alert after arriving and I got to nurse him soon after delivery which is always nice.

Our hearts our so thankful. Thankful for God giving us this life and taking us through this process. Thankful for a safe delivery and the grace to do it without medication. Thankful for a loving and encouraging coach who support and love I couldn't have made it without! Grateful for a great midwife who we can trust and who has been encouraging towards us in how we want to try for natural childbirth each time (and her heart to come deliver even though not on call). Thankful for sweet nurses and there encouragement and support. Thankful again to God for His sovereignty over all this and His grace to make it through. Thankful for a beautiful first-born daughter with a caring heart and thankful for our buddy, Asher, who is sweet spirited and so far an "easy" newborn!

We love you Asher and Welcome!

Bringing the Darkness into Light: My Personal Struggle with Postpartum Depression

I wanted to share my personal story about postpartum depression in hopes of shedding light to a topic rarely talked about by women. I have been blessed enough not to have endured an extreme case of postpartum depression yet I feel mine is a story that many women have endured in secret...

So let the transparency begin...

My beautiful baby girl was born on June 17, 2011...She was such a precious gift to my husband and I. She was and is so beautiful! That time in the hospital was so precious...here was what we waited for for 40weeks and 3 days! It was an amazing experience!

My husband and I chose to have a natural birth and for me to nurse our baby hopefully for a year. We took a birthing class and prepared as much as one could for this event in life! Like most life-changing events, you cant really know how it feels until you are there...People tell you:

 "You never knew you could love someone like this did you?!"
"You just never realize the places in your heart to love until you have a child!"...

While all of this is true, what we fail to talk about and share to each other as women is the flip-side of all of this...that in order to love this little one the way your heart is longing to love, you are first faced with your own faults, your own pain, your own failures, your own anger and your own rejection...Childbirth is a miracle not just because a new life comes into the world in the form of a baby, but because new life is offered to a mother and father once again...should they choose to heal.

Once home with my daughter and husband, my heart began this journey....I cant pin-point when the battle started but you see, all I had in my head were these phrases that countless mothers had shared with me, and all the while I was battling inwardly with the exposure of my heart... I am a failure, I cant do this, I wish my life would have been like___ , I am angry at ___ for ___... You fill in the blanks cause for many of you it was the same...

On one-hand I was experiencing those moments...those precious moments of connecting with my baby and feeling this thing inside of me wanting to give her the world...and at the same time I was suddenly being confronted with what I didn't get and who hurt me and my inability to give what I was wanting to give to my child...and to top it off I was a hormonal mess with a faulty idea that my baby should be nursing for 45mins and was only nursing 5 mins (that's another lie to expose on another post--she still nurses only 15mins and is healthy)

So what does someone do when they are dealing with such emotions as these but being told by society that they should be so cheerful all the time???

Come on ladies you know...WE PRETEND!
(We put on a good face and late that night when everyone is gone we cry, eat a bag of Oreos, drink a coke, or whatever fleshly coping device we have in our lives.)

Very few people besides my husband, knew that I was battling this depression...

You see after awhile my husband and I realized that what was really going on was an opportunity for healing...God was graciously exposing unresolved issues in my heart and giving me a chance to forgive, heal, and move on so I could love my little girl the way I was longing to love her! You see, from my experience, depression commonly raises up its ugly head when FREEDOM is near...it tries to distract you, condemn you, and bind you to your anger, unforgiveness, and bitterness...Because it knows that if you make it past the "exposing-stage" of healing and truly let go off these things that you will have grasped a hold of FREEDOM, something depression cant contend with though it may try!

So, I would love to tell you that the second we realized this that my struggle went away...well no, but the struggle became a battle and the battle is becoming a victory!

I must choose wholeness and healing in my life everyday! The more we are healed and made whole, the more Christ-like we become, the more Christ-like we become the more love we are capable of sharing and expressing!

The healing is in the process and though depression may try to rise up on occasion, I faithfully say... "It is under my feet!"

So what I would say to you mommies-to-be out there:

1) Express what is going on inside you after a life-changing experience like childbirth
2) Be prepared to have unresolved matters of your heart exposed after having given birth to your child
3) Christ and your husband are your rocks to lean upon in this time---so trust them both
4) Get pass the "exposure-stage" of healing and move on to freedom
5) Should depression try to sneak itself in, expose it! Do not isolate yourself, and without shame share what is going on...should it be an extreme case don't feel condemned, talk with God, your Husband, and your doctors to decide if something may be needed to help balance your hormones so you can deal with the issues of your heart more clearly...still lean on Him and still choose to heal!

and lastly...remember...

Childbirth is an opportunity for new-life for mom and dad! Begin to heal and move forward so you can love your husband and children the way you long to love them, and inturn maybe we will start to actually be able to love our neighbors and our enemies!

The Birth Of Emerald

Its been nearly a month since the birth of our beautiful girl and I am just now sitting down to tell her story...

Joshua had the day off of work Thursday June 16th, which was great since I had a doctors appointment that day around 11am. We headed to the appointment excited thinking maybe I will be dilated to a three or more...maybe the baby is on the way since we are two days past the due date...

We got to the appointment and we were a little sad to hear that I was only at a one...especially since I thought I had been having contractions some that morning. So, we talked to the midwife about how long they would let me go past my due date, what our plans were if I did go that long, and when she would see me next. I had a contraction while I was being checked, and the midwife told me a might have a few today (but it wouldn't really be labor). So we left the appointment and went about our day...I continued to have contractions from about noon on...We finally decided this must be it because the contractions were pretty consistent!

We labored at home from around noon til a little after midnight. The contractions continued to strengthen and started out at 5 mins apart and progressed to close to 3/4 mins apart with some double contractions before we decided to head to the hospital! Once again we were so excited thinking I would get there and they would tell me I was at a 6 or 7...But that wasn't the case...I was only 3cm after laboring from noon til 1am...However, because I did seem to be progressing they let us officially check into the hospital around 2 or 3am.

We continued to labor as we did at home...Our goal was to have the baby natural with no medicine! I was given no iv at our request and the baby received only intermittent monitoring also at our request. This allowed Josh and I a lot more freedom to move around and labor how we desired. We walked the halls, used the birthing ball, the squat bar, the shower, and everything else that was made available to us. The contractions were almost all in the front for me, and I continued to have double contractions. We continued laboring into the next morning. Looking back I can see how hard it was thinking I must be dilated pretty far but finding out I was dilating much slower than expected despite me having such strong contractions...BUT its never just about how dilated you are...there are other factors that play a part. Since having arrived at the hospital Emerald's head was notable low and around 7am I told Josh that I was wanting to push and asked him to get a nurse to check me...

The new nurse came in and as she checked me she asked if I was pushing with my contractions. I told her it was hard not to because of the pressure. She told me I was only at 5cm and had to do my best to not push! This was an extremely hard task given how low Emerald's head was and that I was already lying on my side in a gravity neutral position...This was the LONGEST hour of my labor. It was also the HARDEST, but through the encouragement of my wonderful husband and the support of the nurses I was able to get through the hour with out any medicine...Around 7:15-7:30am the midwife came in and I believe I was around 7cm and by around 8am I had gone from 5cm to 10cm and was told I could push. I was already pushing before even though I tried not to push :)

At this point Josh and I had been awake for over 24 hours but the exhaustion seemed to disappear once we realized we were really about to see our beautiful baby girl! The pushing was a relief for me from the contractions and pressure I had been feeling. I only had to push for about 30 minutes before our beautiful Emerald joined us! The pushing was slow and controlled with the head and I rested lots in between pushes. Once her head came the rest came without any pushing and at 8:33am on Friday, June 17, 2011 Emerald was born. She weighed 6lbs 15oz and was 19in long...The most beautiful baby ever!

Thank you Lord for a healthy baby and for a 100% natural delivery...Thank you Josh for all the love, support, encouragement, motivation, and patience...Thank you for all the support and encouragement from the nurses and the midwife...I was blessed to have a wonderful birth experience and thank God daily for my daughter...I cant wait for the next one!

Our First Birthing Class

This past Sunday Josh and took our first Bradley Class. We are so excited! This method for child birth centers around educating both wife and husband on labor as well as proper exercise and nutrition during pregnancy; the Bradley Method also gives tips for relaxation and breathing while in labor. The class is focused around the husband being the coach in the delivery room...something that Josh and I both love! Our first class was mostly on pregnancy exercises and becoming acquainted with everyone...we enjoyed it so much and are so thankful God provided us the means to take this course!!

While I want and pray for faith enough to have a pain-free natural childbirth, education and awareness are always a good thing! Ignoring issues that cause fear to rise up in oneself,  isn't faith...its, well, still fear manifesting. By being confronted with the truths about labor and delivery, I can identify my specific fears, and together Josh and I can combat them in prayer! Through faith, we will believe for a natural pain-free childbirth...and yes, my prayer now to Jesus is
I BELIEVE NOW HELP ME IN MY UNBELIEF LORD! I AM NOT THERE YET! 

The Beginnings

I am in the beginnings...my first child Emerald Joy will be born this summer! My wonderful husband and I are so excited...life is a beautiful precious thing from God, and we feel privileged to be entering into parenthood!